Zardoz is the name of a God in a magical floating stone head full of sand who pukes guns onto a tribe of “brutals,” all of whom look like Burt Reynolds in red speedos, thigh high boots, and silk bandoliers, and then Zardoz instructs them to shoot anyone running on the beach wearing a blazer. One of the brutals, Sean Connery, hides in a pile of sand in the stone head and shoots a jester who falls out of the head’s mouth and the head is also full of people wrapped in saran wrap. When the head lands next to a lake, Sean Connery gets out and runs around a house that’s decorated like a hippie’s dorm room, and he finds a Google ring that answers all of his questions. The house is part of a castle where the “eternals” live. There are two factions of eternals. One who wants to kill Sean Connery, and one who wants to study him because he gets boners and they’re like “check out his boners.” When “eternals” commit crimes, their punishment is to age, and when they get very old they are banished to a carnival where all the old people dance and get angry. Eventually, it turns out that Sean Connery is actually really smart because one time in a library he realized that Zardoz is really a play on the Wizard of Oz, and that’s why Sean Connery has come to destroy the Vortex (which is the name of the castle where the eternals live), and the eternals are actually kind of happy because they all just want to die, and then Sean Connery and this lady go live in a cave and have a baby and turn into skeletons.
Sure.
The Unethicist is back on Stereogum’s video blog. Stereogum has a video blog? I was supposed to quit the Internet, today. Frick.
