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In all fairness, Amanda Palmer was….

Yeah, there is no ‘in all fairness’ joke to be made. There’s no ‘ironic’ reference. There is none of that. (None of that!) Amanda Palmer is a jackass. People don’t tend to think of her as a jackass because she’s not an airheaded bimbo (as the stereotype goes) or, like, Hillary Clinton.  I mean she’s kind of like Neko Case or that girl from Stars, right? Maybe she’s like Canadian? I think I heard she’s on around the Toronto music scene? I don’t know. Maybe she’s from the American south.

You know what’s an (nonironic) use of a brand? It’s like when Chan Marshall goes by ‘Cat Power.’ You know. Because of how in the South they have those hats that say that? Because of those giant yellow earth-moving machines? Yeah. It’s about being from a place and trying to put a little distance between you and that place. But it’s also about being proud of that place, maybe. I don’t know. This isn’t fucking Semiotics class. (They have those still, right? Right between How To Be A Print Journalist class and Alchemy class?)

I know another musician who said he named his band after a place because it sounded sophisticated and it was in the news a lot. It was a pretty retarded reason for naming a band something, but I mean whatever. He wasn’t saying he was ironically referring to a place that prosecuted the deaths of thousands of people. Of course, he doesn’t have a Twitter account.

I know people say lotsa and lotsa and lotsa things because the Internet, right? But that’s a lame excuse. It’s like saying, I did that because I was drunk! I still love you, baby! I didn’t mean to arrange a baroque five-some based on thematic elements of the musical Cats among me and my roommates and the guy from the cornerstore! I would never have done that if I were sober! What, the caterer and the florist and the pyrotechnics guy? Yeah, I met them at the bar, too…

The point is, people do stupid things and then there are people who do and do and do and do stupid things. Amanda Palmer is of the latter. She gets a pass from her fans because (because they’re all 15? because there are so few successful women musicians that they’ll give her a few extra passes? because her fans are terrible bigots and ablists and anti-feminists!!!! [direct hate mail to dont-email-me@dont.dont]). Why does she get so many passes? (Men rarely make passes at girls who wear RIDICULOUS STUNTS AND REPUGNANT STATEMENTS glasses.) I have a stomach ache. QED.