Things I want the dog to chew on:

• One of the twentyseven sticks in the apartment.
• His chew toys.
• The marrow bone (that cost more/lbs. than the chicken I just ate).

Things the dog wants to chew on:

• Unsmoked cigarettes.
• Lighters.
• Books.

DOG, you are not me! You shouldn’t want to consume cigarettes and books all day! Where did you learn this behavior from?! (I learned it from you!) =\