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Every Album On My iPhone And At Least One Sentence Explaining Why It’s There (Ae to Bo)

I have a 32 GB iPhone 4 on Verizon, which I bought with my own money after losing my previous phone in a cab. Am I a hypocrite? A little bit, probably. But using my phone makes me absolutely miserable — when it’s not being a whizzy, snappy wonderland of music and me not getting lost.

In any case, it is thus: There is 17.67 GB of music on my phone, which amounts to 10,006 minutes of music. It’s here that I should note I work from home, and have my entire iTunes that I listen to. And when I’m walking the dogs, I listen to podcasts. So, I usually only listen to music at the gym and when I’m going out. From where I live, the average travel time for going out seems to be about forty minutes, which means I can go out 125 times (there and back) and not hear the same song twice. I go out about .5 times per week. Following my normal schedule, I can go out for about 4.8 years, then, and have a different musical experience each time.

I change the music on my iPhone on, like, a daily basis.

There’s a little madness in how I use my phone for music. I think that every time I slide to unlock, click “Music”, and scroll through a vast list to, inevitably, settle on listening to Watch The Throne, Section 80, or Van Halen. To make sense of all this, to maybe understand myself better, I decided to list each album on my phone and then try to determine why it’s there.


Aesthetica by Liturgy
This album’s been kicking around my awareness since it came out. I think it got BNM’d, and people have talked about it online, and HHH has kept in the blog cycle pretty well. The specific reason it’s back on my phone is this post by Andrew Tsks.

After Hours (Mixed By Nick Catchdubs) by Jackie Chain
I heard about this, but didn’t seek it out until Brandon Soderberg repped it pretty hard on his newly Spun No Trivia blog.

Airwalker by Jeremy Jay
I covered a Jeremy Jay concert a few weeks ago. Before the show I wanted to re-familiarize myself with his earlier work. I am a big fan of Jay’s, but I don’t find much occasion to listen to much of his work other than Slowdance, which I think is classic album. I don’t see why it’s not more popular, but I have my theories.

All Eyez On Me by 2Pac
So, I was reading One More Robot’s latest issue, which is dedicated to 90s hip-hop. (Incidentally, I contributed a review of Yelawolf in it.) The first essay is about 2Pac, and it sort of made me want to reconsider him. Overall, yeah, this is not a bad album. I’m not sure why, but when I was younger I had a pretty strong antipathy for his music. It must have been that mile-wide contrarian streak that I’m still trying to erase.

All I Want Is You by Miguel
This is a great album. But I have it on my phone because I was going to write about the Wale/Miguel show at Irving Plaza a few weeks ago. I ended up getting a free entrance, but couldn’t make it. Please don’t tell Wale’s people.

Animal Joy by Shearwater
One of the very first album reviews I’ve ever written was about Shearwater’s The Golden Archipelago. I did not like it at first. Its sounds were all woody, kiwi signifiers. But after listening to it quite a bit, I grew to love its sweep. I’m afraid I have not listened to Animal Joy yet, but I expect I’ll like it if I have the patience.

The Appeal: Georgia’s Most Wanted by Gucci Mane
After Gucci released whatever his 2012 mixtape was, I got into a big nostalgia kick and put on a bunch of his music. I actually really like this album. I’m sort of on an island, but I think “Grown Man” is one of his very best songs. It’s so affecting — and catchy.

Appetite for Destruction by Guns N’ Roses
As you will see, I’ve been listening to a lot of Van Halen. Back when I was making fine picture frames in Santa Fe, I had one miraculous, epiphantic work day where this album made complete and perfect sense to me. Since that day, I was a true Guns N’ Roses fan. Like, a genuine, non-ironic one. Anyway, I wanted to compare the feelings I got from Van Halen to the ones I got from GNR, but I haven’t had a chance to listen yet.

Arm’s Way by Islands
I pitched a review of the latest Islands album, so I put all their older albums on my phone just in case.

Astronaut Status by Future
I was trying to ‘get’ Future.

The B. Coming by Beanie Sigel
Back when I was doing One Week // One Band on Kanye West, I was doing some research and kept coming up with Beanie Sigel. Now, I am not an old-school hip-hop fan by any means, so I was pretty unfamiliar with his work. Someone on Twitter, Soderberg maybe, recommended this album as a good starting point. I haven’t listened to it yet, though.

Bachelor No. 2, or the Last Remains of the Dodo (MFSL UDSACD 2025) by Aimee Mann
I think, as shallow as this sounds, seeing Mann on Portlandia and catching her hot, charismatic vibe really opened up her music for me. I don’t know. She has a great sense of humor, and sonically, her music is just wonderful. I’ve listened to “Driving Sideways” on one-track repeat for hours at a time.

Back $ellin Crack by Squadda B
Love my cloud rap. Not as sold on this one.

Best Of Black Hippy by Black Hippy
After it finally hit me that Kendrick Lamar is the best rapper alive, I went back and tracked down his and his crew’s old releases. They’re all to a man talented. This collection is a treat.

Best Of Blackland by Spaceghostpurrp
I can finally spell Spaceghost’s moniker right! Oh, let’s see. I wrote a review of God of Black, Vol. 1, and I put all his older stuff on my phone to just sort of take in his atmosphere. This is OK, but I actually started to enjoy his weirder early stuff.

The Black Album by Jay-Z
Well, this is just a good album.

Black Friday by Jay Rock
Jay Rock is a member of Black Hippy. (See above.) This is a pretty good album.

Blackberry Ku$h by Main Attrakionz
See, here’s my cloud rap. I haven’t listened to that new EP, yet, because I have some stupid aversion to streaming things. But I Oakland’s own don’t keep moving toward the Squadda B Back Selling Crack direction. But they probably also figure, if Rocky got signed…

Blackberry Ku$h Bonus Disc by Main Attrakionz
See above.

Blackland Radio 66.6 1991 by Spageghostpurrp
See above. Also, I sort of like this release a lot more than I did a year ago. It’s lo-fi-ness, which really bothered me at first, now seems more atmospheric and intentional than anything else.

Blood Mountain by Mastodon
This is a good album, but I think I tend to overrate how much I really care for Mastodon. For instance, they’re sort of like Metallica 2.0, maybe? By which I mean, lots of strong imagery and good musicianship. More musical than Liturgy, which I know doesn’t strictly share a genre. But still, I’d rather listen to something more focused (like a Liturgy) than, maybe, rock-on-speedballs. At least, rock like this. Maybe I should listen more to it, since now that I’m thinking about my memories of it, it’s not very boring.

Blu Tops by Cam’ron, Vado, McKenzie Eddy
A web EP, pretty fly, dub-step-boom-bap. I’m writing something about this, but it might be a bit more historical in scope. It’s five tracks and definitely worth a download.

Blue Dream & Lean by Juicy J
Yeah, I thought Juicy J 3.0 was uninteresting. And my friends tried to convince me he wasn’t. And, yeah, he is. But I guess you can’t blame a guy for signing up for that Wiz Khalifa money, but you can for begging guest verses from Kreayshawn.

The Blueprint by Jay-Z
This is… the best Jay-Z album? My favorite.

The Blueprint 2: The Gift & The Curse by Jay-Z
Not sure why this is on there. Maybe because Kanye produced a few of the beats. This album is a good argument against the impulse to have mostly only complete albums in your iTunes.

The Blueprint 3 by Jay-Z
I wonder if anyone’s written a decent study of Vol. 1-3 versus Blueprints 1-3? I call that.

Born To Die by Lana Del Rey
Remember when the internet hopped in a time machine and warped to a point when they really cared about authenticity? I was going to try to write something about this. I should probably delete it. I’ll keep that four-song EP, though, because that’s actually really good.

The Boy With the Arab Strap by Belle & Sebastian
I don’t think I’ve ever listened to this all the way through is why this is on here. I’ve listened to the first two albums and the first disc of Push The Barman like a million times, and I’ve listened to some of the mid-to-late 00s albums quite a bit. I missed the middle part of their work, somehow. Not sure if I’m missing anything, though.

Boys And Girls In America by The Hold Steady
I always think I’m going to listen to this at the gym, and then by the time “First Night” comes on, I lose that urge.

Thus concludes Ae to Bo.

Top 10 Songs Of The Year, Rated On A 0 To 10 Scale, Relative To Each Other

Note: It should simply be accepted that a song on this list receiving even a 0 score is still better than any song not on this list that would have, using different criteria, received a 10 out of 10 rating. (You can download these ten tracks as a non-mix mix here, or just click through the songs to stream them.)

1.7 | “Santa Fe” by Beirut

I could hardly ignore this song because this is, for me, the definitive Beirut song. I once lived in Santa Fe, down the street from Beirut’s parent’s house. I spent a New Year’s eve with him and his wife, burning the furniture in my house and watching “Why Must I Cry?” and Saddam Hussein’s hanging. I have a lot of snowed-in and/or dark memories of Santa Fe. But “Santa Fe” expresses just about every light, happy, and good memory I have of the place.

1.9 | “Otis” by Jay-Z and Kanye West

“Otis” is too goofy to be as serious as it is. It’s to happy to be so mean. I’ve heard like three other rappers this year rip off that “going through customs” line, as if air travel were the new pinnacle of class. If anything, it’s where white celebrities (hey, Kevin Smith and Alec Baldwin) are treated like people of color. “Otis” is similarly democratizing: it balls up all our class resentment and racial hatred and re-packages it into a consumer-friendly jam. It’s not exactly anesthetizing, but it doesn’t pile on the pain, either.

3.2 | “The Wilhelm Scream” by James Blake

In cinema, the “Wilhelm Scream” is some bullshit sound production that nerdy guys will tell you about. The song “The Wilhelm Scream” is some awesomely transcendent sound production that nerdy guys will tell you about. The main difference? The filmic Wilhelm Scream is about 1.3 seconds long, and the Blake song covers five different levels of emotional hell over the course of 277 seconds. What you think is just a background artifact at around the 120 second mark rises slightly through the right channel like a lone cicada gnawing on your brain. It indicates that the absolute bottom of the song is about to fall out 30 seconds later, and if you don’t get shivers every time you hear it, then call an hearse; you’re dead.

3.9 | “Haters Opinion” by Green Ova Underground

My favorite video game writer (sorry Bissell, stop repeating your talking points, ok?) is Tim Rogers. His primary innovation (beyond elegantly entertaining bloviation) is his anatomy of friction. My favorite of his frictions is “crunchy”, which is “when things collide, hold there for an instant, and then, in that instant of holding, a ‘winner’ is determined, and it is that winner who proceeds beyond the loser.” This production by Clams Casino is the crunchiest production. I would literally pay $19 for a high-definition version of this song because at this fidelity, the rough edges have about as much prominence as the chompy-hungry-crunchy parts, which is a shame. Shady Blaze is a pretty good rapper, too.

5.2 | “Illusions of Grandeur” by Lil B

My iTunes has the Illusions of Grandeur mixtape tagged as 2010, but the internet says it’s a 2011 joint. Great. The thing about Lil B is that listening to Lil B is really unpleasant. I do not in any way subscribe the theory that he’s some kind of idiot-savant, which is frankly kind of racist. But it’s also the least interesting explanation for his despite-all appeal. “Illusions of Grandeur” gets to the best parts of his work — Clams Casino production, thematic uplift, an actual narrative thrust — all of which are simply missing from 78.333333333333333% of his work. “I was a robber, turned positive” is all I need to hear, and I’m just taken away from here. It’s wonderful.

6.0 | “Strange Mercy” by St. Vincent

The song directly following “Strange Mercy”, “Neutered Fruit”, is perhaps a better song if we’re being really real here. But this is music. “Neutered Fruit“‘s sort of quasi-Egyptian, block-like melody (as in, it sounds like pieces of the Great Pyramid of Giza falling about your head) is majestic and disturbing. “Strange Mercy” is neither. It’s a close, personal song. Comforting. It’s an amniotic-sort of song, and if that’s dismissive toward St. Vincent or Annie Clark, then I do not apologize for feeling comforted by the things that comfort me. “Strange Mercy” is the feeling of being clutched.

6.1 | “Something Wrong” (feat. Codie G) by Kristmas

Honestly, I’m not sure how Kristmas, G-Side, Yelawolf, Block Beattaz, DJ Burn One, and all the rest of the New Alabama Rap Consciousness Collective (N.A.R.C.C.) relate or fit together. From taking it all in this year, their work has all blended together into a textureless meta-narrative, which is how I also came to understand Robert Lowell. What I do know is that Kristmas is really one of the only rappers I’ve ever related to on a deep, personal level, and “Something Wrong” is too smart (and interesting, which is easy to forget when you’re making ‘smart’ music) to ignore.

9.1 | “212” by Azealia Banks

I mean, I know that NME thinks Azealia Banks is cool, but the only substantive thing about her is still on The Singles Jukebox. I guess she’s been ‘around’ for years, but her “212” and imminent major label debut are somehow the mirror opposite of LDR? There’s a lot of stuff you can do to write about her? I don’t know. You know what I know? I know I listened to this song literally 50 times in one day. I went on vacation the next day, which was stressful because it was a travel day. By two days later, my life felt empty and purposeless, and I didn’t quite pin it down until I woke with a song in my heart. I’d discovered that listening to “212” has somehow become sort of integral to my everyday existence.

9.6 | “Fuck Your Ethnicity” by Kendrick Lamar

“Fuck Your Ethnicity” is a koan of a song. It has the catchiest and pseudo-objectively best hook of any rap song in the last year or more. I can’t even begin to understand how to explain why this song means so much to me without saying things like “It’s the ‘Exhibit C’ of 2011, except it’s both better and made by someone who actually seems to like rapping.” Or, “It makes anyone who’s ever said ‘#swag’ seem like they should probably get in line for the M.O.R. rap gulags.” Or, “It’s probably the only rap song you need to hear if you only hear one rap song every year.” I don’t know why I put all those in scare quotes, because they’re true. It’s just that “Fuck Your Ethnicity” is really understated in the way it’s good. Trying to say something ostentatious in an encomium feels disingenuous. You just have to listen to the song, and you’ll get it.

9.9 | “California” by EMA

I don’t know why I didn’t give this song a 10. (This is, of course, the very most objective and authoritative assertion of aesthetic criteria you’re likely to read all year.) I shaved off a tenth of a point, I think, because I know the song will just get better with age, so I wanted to leave a little room for it to grow in stature. A dirty secret: I don’t see a lot of live music, even though I live in New York and love music. I saw EMA, though, and it was great! She’s a stalking giant on stage, and she actually wears this gold necklace that says EMA. I like how this song mentions the album’s title in its lyrics, because it’s somehow not cheesy in this instance. I love how this song is just a clinic in writing a bridge-less masterpiece.

I’ll confess to you now, Past Life Martyred Saints is my favorite (ahem, I mean, the “best”) album of 2011. It just reads like a Nirvana album to me. That sounds terrible to me when I write it, but I mean it recaptures a revolutionary feeling without being reactionary. It’s very modern, but it still has its soul. It’s wicked, like, young and concerned . It’s also aloof. So this whole Fuck California. You made me boring” opening, which is immediate and arresting, also sort of cracks me up, even though the song is as serious as a mortal wound. She says, “What does failure taste like? It tastes like dirt. I’m begging you to please look away”, which is insightful. Earlier she says, “I’m just twenty-two. I don’t mind dying”, which is stupid. There’s virtually no exposition, and no narrative, in “California”, yet it feels like all those great old movies I’m supposed to have seen. The song is great because it’s about four and a half minutes of entirely living inside someone else’s head. I truly believe in the phenomenological reduction as a tool for daily living, so it’s not surprising that both relation and transcendence figure highly in my musical proclivities. This song somehow has maxed out both categories, at the same time, and that’s wonderful and impressive — beyond words and numbers.

Close Readings: Drake’s “Shot For Me” As A Template For Modern Masculinity

I dont even know what to say b. Like forreal…after hearin this shit…I wouldnt be surprised if this ni—a could pollinate a flower wit his fuckin breath son. Im pretty sure that son gets up in the morning n plays his harp for his cats n then slides down the muthafuckin banister in his satin man nightie n has a full glass of breast milk before he goes to the studio n hammers out some pooned out shit like this b.Big Ghost

Please take it as read that Drake is the worst. Take Care shows a dark, sophisticated id that Tyler, The Masturbator could only fap fap fap searchingly for. Thing is, Drake’s alway’s going to have a little brother air about him, and that makes him seem less ‘threatening’ than Kanye. It doesn’t help that the ostentatious Drake plays second fiddle to a guy who’s just looking for a bitch that can fuck right, cook right. Or that he and that bitch have a weird, Made-In-Disney media manufacturedness to it.

The sum total of the largely external perception of Drake is that he’s ‘soft’, ‘effeminate’, ‘girly’, ‘gay’, or what-have-you. I think this is because it’s probably more fun for most people to read funny things (or look at memes) that make fun of Drake, rather than actually listen to Drake. Which is fine. I’ll listen to Drake.

A lot of what gets lost in music criticism (in certain circles, maybe) is too fine a focus on a record’s literal message, or on its sonics. This is not a surprise, since the entire reason I like(d) Drake centered on his songs all sounding to me like the platonic ideal of what an awesome song sounds like. You don’t need Nic Southall’s ears to know that My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy actually sounds like shit. Drake’s two albums — and this, as well, contributes to his ‘soft’ image — Thank Me Later and Take Care sound like the wing-strokes of a beauteous angel tribe as they flap past the sixty-third moon of Jupiter on their way to the christening of fresh-born universe. I mean, Noah “40” Shebib needs to win some piece of every award for making music ever offered, because he’s at least half the reason why Drake is near the top of my list of favorite rappers.

You know, it might be me (it is), but I’m afraid of dying a violent death, and I don’t smoke weed. I don’t get most rap music. I don’t get most music — full stop — but I try really hard to get most rap music. It seems like it should be relatable, except it’s not, and I don’t think it’s supposed to be. At least, not any more than any other music. But the personal being the political, and rap being about personal struggle, gives it a documentary air that sucks the wind out of most critical arguments.

I celebrate rap as an aesthetic object.

This essay started out by me asking myself a sort of leading question: “Am I a bad person for liking Drake?” Because I really do think that Drake and Take Care better bears out all that “avant-garde need not be moral” bullshit that was being turned over earlier this year. Being a big fan of Drake means constantly asking yourself, “Am I crazy for liking music without even listening to the lyrics?” Or, more pointedly, “Am I crazy for liking music despite its terrible lyrics?” Or, most appropriately, “Am I just terrible at listening to music and/or being a person in culture because I actually kind of like Drake’s lyrics?” You ask yourself a lot of questions when you find yourself wholeheartedly liking Drake. The big thing for me about Drake is that he gets to the center of a lot of questions/issues surrounding masculinity, and these issues affect everyone. (I’ll be lining up over here for my PhD in Men’s Studies, now.)

And so, even though I sort of wrote about Take Care earlier, I think I sort of missed my intention. So, let’s just jump in.

Drake’s “Shot For Me” is a Raymond Carver story, told in the first person, by Ray Carver after he already knows how monumentally overblown is his literary reputation. It’s all that, but by Drake. So —

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