OPFHJ Wild Card NFL Playoff Picks
Cincinnati @ HOUSTON -3½
Over/Under: 38½
It’s come to my attention that Carrie Brownstein is really attractive. Not just physically, of course, but she’s really charismatic and funny, and she’s really talented at music. She’s someone who can do stuff, and who’s toured hard and seems really independent. That makes her really attractive. Well! I take it I’m something of a latecomer to that notion. A late-blooming Carrie Brownstein crusher, as my girlfriend sort of put it. My very favorite thing to shake out of the New Yorker profile is that she and Miranda July learned acting together, in a group of learn-at-home actor types. I’m a big Miranda July fan, and I think she just runs over most of her peers at being talented and creative. Suck it, haters. It was also pretty funny that Brownstein used to do improv in college, and that Corin Tucker thought it was lame:
She had an improv group in Olympia. But it was like your friend who has this weird hobby. You know—some people are into trains? She was into improv. It wasn’t that cool, in the context.
Now I’m going to do that NFL picks thing: this game is the opposite of Carrie Brownstein right now, and it’s lame like how improv was lame back in the 90s. I’ll take the home team and the under because I don’t think it will be a very good game (offensive division).
Detroit @ NEW ORLEANS -10½
Over/Under: 59½
Let’s continue a theme. The Woods is (I now think) the non-Sleater-Kinney fan’s favorite Sleater-Kinney album. It’s really mature and much less bouncey than any of their previous albums. (Maybe discounting the debut s/t.) I’ve had a lot of favorite songs from The Woods over the years, but my favorite one right now is “Wilderness”. (I’m going to paste some of the lyrics here even though I think that’s illegal and I’m a little nervous about getting DMCA’d):
Said “I Do” in the month of May
said “I Don’t” just the very next day
Will they try again?
Or is it doom for them?Moved to a city
Where hippies run wild
Everything’s white
Now so are the smiles
They tried, to fight the good fight
It’s pretty wild that a big part of the brilliance of Portlandia is prefigured right here in this song from seven years ago. The big-hearted derision for relationships and domesticity; unease with ‘making it’. I think the outcome of this game was probably prefigured a while ago, too. I’ll take the home team and the over.
Atlanta @ NEW YORK GIANTS -3½
Over/Under: 47½
I don’t know: can you tell I’ve watched way more Portlandia than NFL over the last few weeks? Drew Brees is good again — who knew? I understand the Giants sort of ‘backed in’ to the playoffs and Atlanta scrapped or something, too. I’m just really, really feeling home teams here, though. I really would like some points, though. I’m still bitter about the week where the Giants narrowly beat the Bills and Bradshaw had three touchdowns; that game simultaneously destroyed my fantasy team and my other fantasy team. I’ll take Atlanta and the under.
PITTSBURGH @ Denver -8½
Over/Under: 33½
Oh wow. Jeez. It’s games like this that make me somewhat happy that I rarely get the chance to take in sports media. I’m going to try to bracket my moral presuppositions. If I can get the points and the home team that seems pretty great. OK, I can. I’m just not going to overthink it: home team and the under.
